Tulsa, Oklahoma – A new RPG released by Bioware this week is the longest RPG ever created, clocking in at over 700 hours of game play. Anticipated by critics for months, the game itself will take players months to complete a single play-through. “We really wanted the player to experience life as an itinerant Dustbowl-era [...]
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Los Angeles, California – Steve Patterson, Author of the hit Xbox game series Gears of War has published his first standalone novel not related to the Gears of War series. “It’s gonna be fuckin’ awesome, man! Like, shit’s gonna be blowing up everywhere, fuckin’ blood and guts flyin’ all over the place, fuckin,” Patterson said, [...]
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In a surprising move earlier this week, Activision-Blizzard announced that they would be displaying all forum poster’s first and last names using the RealID system following the release of the latest WoW expansion, Cataclysm. “We think that this will dramatically cut down on the amount of abuse and flaming currently present on the forums.” said [...]
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Tokyo, Japan – Gamers were stunned today when they discovered that Square-Enix’ latest installment of the Final Fantasy series sucked huge, unforgiving donkey balls. “I mean – holy shit,” said Tyler Flotes, graphic designer and gamer from Austin, Texas, “That thing really, really fucking sucked. Like, no joke man, that thing sucks Goddamn dinosaur eggs.” [...]
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Seoul, South Korea – Investigators were stunned Tuesday when they discovered the bodies of over 50 million Koreans across the country. “As far as we can tell,” said NATO Commander Fritz Eichelberger, “Sometime earlier this month, Korea got involved in a PvP match with some scrub ‘rines who did nothing but turtle their Siege Cannons [...]
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Stockholm, Sweden – Swedish developer DICE issued an apology today to owners of their hit first person shooter, Battlefield: Bad Company 2. “To those of you affected by the bugs in the latest patch, I want to apologize on behalf of everyone at DICE,” said lead developer Barry Tingle, “We had absolutely no idea it [...]
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Los Angeles Futuredome, People’s Republic of Kentucky – The hotly anticipated shooter Duke Nukem Forever was released today after the longest delay in gaming history. The game itself had to undergo at least a dozen major revisions and almost never saw the light of day. Graphically, the game has seen six decades worth of development, [...]
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Los Angeles, CA – Microsoft announced its new product for unborn babies at the E3 Convention this week, heralding it as the first product targeted at the yet-to-be-alive. “We’re really pleased with the way the Pre-Natal has come together and we think your unborn child is really going to appreciate the precise motion controls and [...]
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Vorticon VI, – Commander Billy “Keen” Blaze was arrested last night for suspicion of operating his Bean-With-Bacon Megarocket under the influence and possession of a concealed ray gun. Commander Keen’s attorney, Gerald Moskowitz issued this statement: “First, Commander Keen asks that you respect his privacy the privacy of his family during this difficult time. While [...]
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San Diego, California – International super-criminal Carmen Sandiego was discovered in her namesake city in Southern California this week in the culmination of a decades-long manhunt. “Well it’s about damn time,” said a clearly exhausted San Diego as she was being led away by the US Marshall’s Service, “it’s right there in my name for [...]
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